Most people have heard of the "Prisoner's Dilemma" in the context of using game theory to explore approaches to collaboration, negotiation etc. I'm using it as a way of introducing the use of two-chair / empty chair work to unblock empathy.
In it's original form, the story is that two prisoners are locked in cells with keypad locks (ok, I've modernised this bit). One prisoner has managed to find out half the code, the other prisoner has found out the other half, and they agree to share what they know. The dilemma is whether to share the truth. If you give the other prisoner the right code and they give you a false code, then they will get out but you won't. On the other hand if you are false but they give you the truth, you escape and they don't. If neither of you tells the truth, neither of you gets out - the lose-lose scenario. Only if both tell the truth do you both go free - the win-win scenario.
I used this recently as a metaphor for the leader's dilemma re connection. To connect emotionally with (and hence inspire) someone in your team, requires both parties to open up a bit and share their true thoughts and feelings. But many leaders hold back for fear of being the "loser" in this deal - they would rather risk the "lose-lose" scenario than risk looking foolish for their (one-way) openness.
There are two ways to use this metaphorical story to change your behaviour. The first approach is simply to believe in game theory, which suggests that the only logical action is to share the truth, because you do not lose anything by it. The other person might gain something and you gain nothing, but you do not actually lose. You could call this trust in logic the Mr Spock [from Star Trek] approach!
The second approach, which we could call the Captain Kirk approach, is to cheat! [For non Star Trek fans, he famously didn't believe in the no win Kobayashi Maru scenario, so re-programmed it the night before his test.] What I mean by "cheat" in this case is that you can try to find out their part of the code (ie what they are thinking and feeling) without them telling you. This is where the two-chair / empty chair work can help. And the goal is positive - it's to use what you learn in this way to connect and inspire, ie to set you both free.
