We all know the old joke about how many psychiatrists it takes to change a lightbulb - only one, but the lightbulb really has to want to change. However, in coaching, it's easy sometimes to lose sight of this fundamental truth.
Let me take as an example a client I have been working with for a few sessions now. Essentially this is someone who has great potential and has been offered coaching to help them move from a seniorish role as a manager into a genuine senior leadership position. To do this would require various shifts, eg less focus on short term problem solving and more longer term envisioning of the future direction, less use of command / control and more influence / inspiration, less managing of the team and more managing of the politics, less hiding behind the functional role and more personal exposure.
I am confident that this person could make these changes but I also realise that the idea of change is very uncomfortable for them. They have a very strong sense of themselves - "I do this, I don't do that". And they don't want to disturb this certainty about themselves, because at their core is a fear of losing their competence and a preference for the known / certain as opposed to the unknown / uncertain. And the crucial point is that they say they are happy both with themselves and with their role level - "It's ok for me."
So what do I do? I think what I have to avoid is getting caught up in my own stuff, which is why I go to supervision - to help sort it out. I have some similarities in personality with my client, and my own leadership development journey took me through the transition my client is facing. And although it was a little uncomfortable, it has had a wonderful payback not only in my career but also in my wider personal life. So it's easy to assume it would be great for my client.
However, one aspect of my personality that might be different to my client is that I find it very hard to be content with things staying the same. I see opportunity rather than threat in change - the threat is in the future being the same as the past. It's why I am still on my lifelong journey of attempted personal development, and probably why I am in this business! But that is me!
For my client, therefore, rather than trying to push them to change, I am simply ensuring they fully understand the consequences of not changing (to quote Marshall Goldsmith's book title: "What got you here won't get you there"), and helping them to understand better the psychology of change, by offering some new / different perspectives on personality and the drivers of habitual behaviour.
What I don't want to do is subtly project my own desire for change onto them, making them less happy with themselves - if they are ok as they are that has to be ok by me too. In fact, sometimes I wish I could be that happy with myself!
Showing posts with label 2.3 Coaching outcomes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 2.3 Coaching outcomes. Show all posts
Dialogue helps to produce clarity
This is an ancient truth, and probably an article of faith for a coach, but I am triggered into writing this post by having to re-develop my website www.corleoneconsulting.com.
The whole process made me realise how much I use the web-site as a way to dialogue with myself about what I do and why. And how much this has helped me develop me over the years. I have always added and edited bits and pieces as my work has given me new insights or new ways of explaining things to people. But there is always an element of being constrained by the structure that is already there and the ideas you started with. Having to start again from scratch allowed me to look at everything on my site afresh and structure the new site in line with my current thinking and practices. It was reassuring to find how much coherence and clarity I now have! I'm not saying I have a perfect model, simply one that works for me and is well integrated - one of my key goals. And it really focuses me on whether I am consistently doing what I say I do.
So if you have a web-site yourself, don't just let it be a glorified business card. Look at it and change it regularly. Challenge yourself to ensure it really reflects your thinking and your practice really reflects what it says. You might find it a dialogue that works for you as well.
The whole process made me realise how much I use the web-site as a way to dialogue with myself about what I do and why. And how much this has helped me develop me over the years. I have always added and edited bits and pieces as my work has given me new insights or new ways of explaining things to people. But there is always an element of being constrained by the structure that is already there and the ideas you started with. Having to start again from scratch allowed me to look at everything on my site afresh and structure the new site in line with my current thinking and practices. It was reassuring to find how much coherence and clarity I now have! I'm not saying I have a perfect model, simply one that works for me and is well integrated - one of my key goals. And it really focuses me on whether I am consistently doing what I say I do.
So if you have a web-site yourself, don't just let it be a glorified business card. Look at it and change it regularly. Challenge yourself to ensure it really reflects your thinking and your practice really reflects what it says. You might find it a dialogue that works for you as well.
Meta skills developed by coaching
Two conversations in the last week have made me think about the meta skills developed by coaching - both when you are doing the coaching and when you are being coached. Meta skills is a very jargony word, so let me explain what I mean more simply.
In one conversation, we were talking about the fact that although in our coaching we were working on various explicit areas, the key development the coachee was gaining from the process was the meta skill of beng able to observe, notice and reflect on themselves and their behaviour in various situations and interactions. Through the coaching they were learning to be their own coach.
In the other conversation, we were talking about leaders on a development programme being asked to take on a formal coaching project, ie to coach someone more junior within the business. At the explicit level this is about developing coaching skills - essential in a leader. At the meta level, the most important skill it is developing - necessary in order to be a good coach and to be a good leader - is to be able to be fully present and connect with another person. This internal development has nothing to do with the external process of coaching.
It just goes to prove that everyone should coach... and be coached!
In one conversation, we were talking about the fact that although in our coaching we were working on various explicit areas, the key development the coachee was gaining from the process was the meta skill of beng able to observe, notice and reflect on themselves and their behaviour in various situations and interactions. Through the coaching they were learning to be their own coach.
In the other conversation, we were talking about leaders on a development programme being asked to take on a formal coaching project, ie to coach someone more junior within the business. At the explicit level this is about developing coaching skills - essential in a leader. At the meta level, the most important skill it is developing - necessary in order to be a good coach and to be a good leader - is to be able to be fully present and connect with another person. This internal development has nothing to do with the external process of coaching.
It just goes to prove that everyone should coach... and be coached!
New (neural) paths through the wood
Talking to a colleague I used an analogy to describe the process and impact of our coaching which they really liked and suggested I share more widely. I don't think it is original, but I do think it is quite useful / helpful.
We were talking about patterns of behaviour being determined by the neural pathways in the brain, and I suggested that these neural pathways could be represented by paths through a wood. Our repeated pattens of behaviour are like the heavy traffic of repeated journeys which create a broad clear path that is easily followed. In fact the path would appear to us to be the only route through the wood. The coaching process is like helping somebody strike out directly through the undergrowth to find a new route through the forest. Lots flows from this analogy, both about the process of coaching and it's long term impact.
The coach may not know any more than the coachee the exact path we will take, or even where it will end up, but their job is to stay close and give confidence that it is ok to keep going. As an experienced guide they may play a big role in clearing some of the tangling undergrowth, and they may suggest changing direction or retracing our steps if it looks like we're in danger of getting lost.
And once the new path has been taken, for a while at least, it is clearly there to see as an option. The more times you take that option, the clearer and more permanent that new path becomes. But if you don't ever choose that path it soon grows over and disappears again. And this is exactly what happens literally with the neural pathways created by new ways of thinking.
We were talking about patterns of behaviour being determined by the neural pathways in the brain, and I suggested that these neural pathways could be represented by paths through a wood. Our repeated pattens of behaviour are like the heavy traffic of repeated journeys which create a broad clear path that is easily followed. In fact the path would appear to us to be the only route through the wood. The coaching process is like helping somebody strike out directly through the undergrowth to find a new route through the forest. Lots flows from this analogy, both about the process of coaching and it's long term impact.
The coach may not know any more than the coachee the exact path we will take, or even where it will end up, but their job is to stay close and give confidence that it is ok to keep going. As an experienced guide they may play a big role in clearing some of the tangling undergrowth, and they may suggest changing direction or retracing our steps if it looks like we're in danger of getting lost.
And once the new path has been taken, for a while at least, it is clearly there to see as an option. The more times you take that option, the clearer and more permanent that new path becomes. But if you don't ever choose that path it soon grows over and disappears again. And this is exactly what happens literally with the neural pathways created by new ways of thinking.
The meta-learning in coaching
A fancy title for a simple idea highlighted by a very insightful client during our inital scoping / contracting conversation when we were talking about what they wanted from the coaching.
After some discussion they commented that what they wanted more than any specific outcome from this period of coaching was to learn a process for self-development and to understand how coaching fitted into that. This would equip them to deal with future challenges.
Clients don't usually recognise this up front, but my own experience is that it is an important and valuable part of coaching. What I have found after being coached many times over the years (and then coaching others) is that the more I understand the process, the better my self-reflection AND the more clearly I can see when I'm stuck and need someone else to help me. And the more effectively I can then use them to coach me - I have become a better coachee!
This is why it is an important part of my model - the "L" in my SPIRAL mnemonic - and why I try to be so transparent about the coaching process. As I've said before, the outcomes from coaching can be magical... but it isn't magic!
After some discussion they commented that what they wanted more than any specific outcome from this period of coaching was to learn a process for self-development and to understand how coaching fitted into that. This would equip them to deal with future challenges.
Clients don't usually recognise this up front, but my own experience is that it is an important and valuable part of coaching. What I have found after being coached many times over the years (and then coaching others) is that the more I understand the process, the better my self-reflection AND the more clearly I can see when I'm stuck and need someone else to help me. And the more effectively I can then use them to coach me - I have become a better coachee!
This is why it is an important part of my model - the "L" in my SPIRAL mnemonic - and why I try to be so transparent about the coaching process. As I've said before, the outcomes from coaching can be magical... but it isn't magic!
Revisiting the Personal Development Plan
Following on from the last post, I have also always felt bad about the fact that I don't like Personal Development Plans (PDPs). The typical PDP seems to assume that people know how they are going to achieve their development before they start the work.
So in a typical three column layout, column one asks you to note what you are working on (these days you are usually asked to note the strength you are working on, not any weakness). Then in column two it asks what you are going to do differently. And in column three you are asked how you will measure the impact. All of which are great things to record... but not easy to do working from left to right.
So, for a long time I ignored the PDP. But recently I had an epiphany while working with a client even more unstructured than me, and I have re-invented the PDP for myself as an LDR - a Leadership Development Record. This is a document that is designed to be completed not up front, but as the coaching continues. It ultimately forms a record after the coaching has finished, to help retain the learning.
It is very like a PDP... but with the columns in a different order. Column one is now about how the change you want to make will be evident (ie we start with impacts you hope for), column two is about when you need to use a strength more or watch for the shadow side of its over-use (ie what you discover through coaching is what needs to change), and column three is about how you make that change (ie what you are going to think, feel, or do differently - again, only as discovered through the awareness gained in the coaching work).
I've been excited by how well this works, so I've put it on my website (coaching model page). Try it yourself and send me your comments.
So in a typical three column layout, column one asks you to note what you are working on (these days you are usually asked to note the strength you are working on, not any weakness). Then in column two it asks what you are going to do differently. And in column three you are asked how you will measure the impact. All of which are great things to record... but not easy to do working from left to right.
So, for a long time I ignored the PDP. But recently I had an epiphany while working with a client even more unstructured than me, and I have re-invented the PDP for myself as an LDR - a Leadership Development Record. This is a document that is designed to be completed not up front, but as the coaching continues. It ultimately forms a record after the coaching has finished, to help retain the learning.
It is very like a PDP... but with the columns in a different order. Column one is now about how the change you want to make will be evident (ie we start with impacts you hope for), column two is about when you need to use a strength more or watch for the shadow side of its over-use (ie what you discover through coaching is what needs to change), and column three is about how you make that change (ie what you are going to think, feel, or do differently - again, only as discovered through the awareness gained in the coaching work).
I've been excited by how well this works, so I've put it on my website (coaching model page). Try it yourself and send me your comments.
Coachees really don't know what they want!
I want to comment on a great talk I heard a couple of days ago. Jonathan Passmore used a story about consumer research into spaghetti sauce (!) to demonstrate that when people are asked what they want, they not only don't know, but they don't know they don't know - ie they will confidently tell you they want things that their subsequent buying behaviour shows they actually don't.
It's exactly the same at the start of a coaching contract. Clients will confidently tell me what they think they want to work on. But actually we end up working on something else. I've always trusted that this has been ok, because I've felt that what we've actually done is more important. But I've always felt a little guilty about how fast we move on from those initial ideas. Now I'll be a lot less concerned about it!
It's exactly the same at the start of a coaching contract. Clients will confidently tell me what they think they want to work on. But actually we end up working on something else. I've always trusted that this has been ok, because I've felt that what we've actually done is more important. But I've always felt a little guilty about how fast we move on from those initial ideas. Now I'll be a lot less concerned about it!
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