We all know the old joke about how many psychiatrists it takes to change a lightbulb - only one, but the lightbulb really has to want to change. However, in coaching, it's easy sometimes to lose sight of this fundamental truth.
Let me take as an example a client I have been working with for a few sessions now. Essentially this is someone who has great potential and has been offered coaching to help them move from a seniorish role as a manager into a genuine senior leadership position. To do this would require various shifts, eg less focus on short term problem solving and more longer term envisioning of the future direction, less use of command / control and more influence / inspiration, less managing of the team and more managing of the politics, less hiding behind the functional role and more personal exposure.
I am confident that this person could make these changes but I also realise that the idea of change is very uncomfortable for them. They have a very strong sense of themselves - "I do this, I don't do that". And they don't want to disturb this certainty about themselves, because at their core is a fear of losing their competence and a preference for the known / certain as opposed to the unknown / uncertain. And the crucial point is that they say they are happy both with themselves and with their role level - "It's ok for me."
So what do I do? I think what I have to avoid is getting caught up in my own stuff, which is why I go to supervision - to help sort it out. I have some similarities in personality with my client, and my own leadership development journey took me through the transition my client is facing. And although it was a little uncomfortable, it has had a wonderful payback not only in my career but also in my wider personal life. So it's easy to assume it would be great for my client.
However, one aspect of my personality that might be different to my client is that I find it very hard to be content with things staying the same. I see opportunity rather than threat in change - the threat is in the future being the same as the past. It's why I am still on my lifelong journey of attempted personal development, and probably why I am in this business! But that is me!
For my client, therefore, rather than trying to push them to change, I am simply ensuring they fully understand the consequences of not changing (to quote Marshall Goldsmith's book title: "What got you here won't get you there"), and helping them to understand better the psychology of change, by offering some new / different perspectives on personality and the drivers of habitual behaviour.
What I don't want to do is subtly project my own desire for change onto them, making them less happy with themselves - if they are ok as they are that has to be ok by me too. In fact, sometimes I wish I could be that happy with myself!
