For various reasons, Barry Oshry's ideas on systems dynamics (for details see the main website) have kept popping into my head in the last few days, as an alternative way of understanding what is going on and so generating new alternatives for action in response. He talks about the idea of roles in the system and how predictably we normally play out our roles - as if following a script.
For example, on a recent programme, we had struggled to get the group to take the initiative, to extend themselves or even to challenge each other to the level we'd normally expect. On reflection, it occurred to me that this wasn't just about their individual personalities - this was characteristic behaviour for a group of "oppressed bottoms". That opened up a whole new set of questions about why a group of senior people would unconsciously see themselves in this way, and what would help them change their role and hence their script.
Another role I saw in this case was that of the "self-righteously pissed off" client. That's where you can see something may is not going right, so you distance yourself from it so as to be clear that if it goes wrong it is entirely the other party's fault. The alternative script is to take the risk of getting involved to produce the outcome you want, even though this blurs the lines of responsibility for blame.
Interestingly, this latter dynamic (ie being self-righteously pissed off) seems to pop up in one to one relationships as much as in systems. Or is that just me! I find it can really help sometimes to notice how much energy I am putting into making it clear that a bad relationship is "their fault, not mine", rather than investing that energy in trying to produce the good relationship I want.
