At a development day for coaches, I had a revealing experience of the power of a deep and unconscious group assumption to hold the staus quo, even when the conscious focus of the debate in the group is on how to change that status quo.
The group was discussing what particular support women needed to get to senior leadership positions (honestly it is not me that keeps bringing this subject up - I just get caught up in it!). Underlying the detailed discussion I became aware that there was an underlying group assumption (or belief) which informed the whole discussion, which was that because women are inherently more emotionally intelligent, "women would inherently be better at leadership than men, if only they were allowed to lead".
I wouldn't argue against the idea that women generally have higher emotional intelligence, but in the linkage to gender, the point seemd to be lost that emotional intelligence is what we want in all our leaders - hence why much leadership development and coaching aimed at men focuses so heavily on it. What was also glossed over is the complementary attribute we also want - the drive to lead. In my experience this is for many potential leaders (male and female) the hardest step - coming to terms with the fact that leadership is ultimately not given to you, it is something you have to step forward to take on. Arguably this is a more male trait, but linking it to gender is again not that helpful - we need the strength, courage and desire to lead in all our leaders.
What was really interesting though, was noticing my own internal reactions to the debate. I see myself as a male who is relatively in touch with my feminine side, with pretty good emotional intelligence. I was also a senior leader in a male dominated partnership which was explicitly seeking to change that male domination. So I wanted to be a real supporter of this group and helpful in the debate. But actually I felt completely excluded - because I was a man and didn't buy into the group assumption! And most interesting of all is that feeling excluded (and quite hurt by this) brought out my defence mechanisms - so that I felt like attacking the group's ideas and the validity of their perspective as women. The gender war was on! And it struck me that this is what might also happen inside businesses - senior male allies being "turned away" rather than "secured", all this happening completely unconsciously.
So, once again, I was brought to the conclusion that making real progress on increasing the presence of women at senior levels of business will come from focusing not on which gender is better, but on recognising both male and female qualities are essential in good leaders... and ANY individual wanting to be a good leader needs to develop an ability to use both appropriately. Gender may simply suggest which will instinctively be easiest and which will take most self-development effort.
And change will only come from building alliances between men with emotional intelligence and women with the drive to lead!
